Once upon a time there was an evil cloud and he was the blackest meanest cloud in all the land. He floated around on dead babies and picked fights with people by calling them punks and it just wasn’t cool. One day the cloud was feeling more badass than usual, so he stole all of the penguins! He took them from zoos and from aquariums and from penguin pet owners. He even stole the wild penguins from Antartica. That’s when the penguin activists knew they had to do something, but who could stop this evil cloud they wondered. A voice from the back of the group spoke up and they all turned to see a pirate with wooden pegs for legs and arms, and an eye patch, who they recognized as shaimus the pirate-with-really-good-stories. Shaimus told a tale of a bar of soap who had once been forced to battle a large chicken for giving him a bad coupon. Their battle had continued for days and the damage done was great. The penguin activists sent for the bar of soap immediately.

Upon hearing of their plight, the bar of soap set out in his little sailboat to cross the treacherous sea of dead babies in search of the evil cloud’s lair where he was hoarding the worlds penguins. And so the bar of soap trudged through the sea of dead baby salsa until he reached the cave. “Just release the penguins and I won’t hurt you” said the bar of soap. “Never!” retaliated the evil cloud, too high and mighty to admit defeat. The evil cloud tried to vanquish the bar of soap by torrential downpour, but this unexpectedly activated the bar of soap’s suds of doom, which he promptly used to blind the cloud and escape with the penguins in hand.

The bar of soap became a hero and the penguins lived in peace, fear free and the evil cloud stayed forever hidden in his cave of shame, vanquished once and for all.

The end.

Mazeltoff and many fish.